DEFINITIVE INDEX of KINK (DIK)
The dates shall commence on Monday. What will the coming week hold? Only my future self can tell, and if she were to come back from the future to tell me, the universe would probably explode because you’re never supposed to be in the same place and time as your future self.
Though from knowing Steph, I am fairly certain that at least a few of her chosen guys are closet kinksters. I asked Miss Bloch if this was true, but she remained coy. I did, however, detect what I interpreted as a confirmatory twinkle in her eye. Because there are many possible gradations of weird, I have compiled a helpful threat level index. Feel free to print it out and tape it to the ceiling over your bed.
DEFINITIVE INDEX of KINK (DIK)
Green (Low) – Watches porn. Has a favorite porn star who looks like a plastic alien.
Blue (Guarded) – Spanking. But he calls it “yay-handing.”
Yellow (Elevated) – Always wants to role-play saucy librarian. Has saved pile of overdue library books expressly for this purpose. Most of the books are copies of Twilight.
Orange (High) – Owns furry suit. When angling for a night of tender lovemaking, he refers to himself as Sir Scritchalot.
Red (Severe)– Crushes Cheetos into a fine orange dust, coats his naked body with them, then makes you lick it off while he watches old VHS tapes of his parents’ wedding.
The only one of these I’ve personally encountered is green. Because, hey, the reason it’s low on the threat scale is because it’s the baseline state for young gentlemen. It’s like Pakistan kinda hating our guts but being like, “Oh, things are cool, US, we can go to the mall together next week.”
